The Grief of Getting Old

My blogs are often inspired by the real people I work with or have worked with in my practice. An issue that presents itself frequently with many people is the grief that comes with aging. Yes, we know it is inevitable, but that doesn’t change how difficult this process is. Aging involves a grief process on many levels. As you get older, so do your family members and friends. Deaths start to occur with more frequency as your family members and friends become older or physically ill. Losses associated with retirement, such as loss of purpose or identity, loss of income or decrease in income, loss of socialization with co-workers, and loss of something to do each day weigh heavily upon people. The inability to retain information in the same way or to take more time to do things creeps up slowly on many people and the grief of recognizing this and experiencing this can be heartbreaking. Eventually, people begin to lose their independence and autonomy. They are no longer permitted to drive or to make important decisions that effect the family, medical personnel often ask adult children or others if the person is following directions and eating or taking medications as prescribed, the person reverts back to being the cared for instead of the care provider. How can anyone thrive within this type of decelerating environment? While the answer to this question is very much unique to the person, the focus usually lies within taking back whatever control you can. Learning and utilizing techniques to effectively manage loss of memory such as note taking or recording messages for yourself are beneficial. Make decisions whenever possible, even if those decisions seem small to others – such as picking which foods to have for lunch or which driving route you want someone to follow. Finally, a highly regarded way to have some control even far progressed into the aging process is the remembering and retelling of your life story. Documenting who you are, what you feel you have contributed to this world, and what should be remembered and carried on someday is revitalizing. This process is remarkably beneficial within the setting of therapy as the feelings and emotions of your life’s story may be more powerful than anticipated. Ultimately, the grief that comes with the aging process is for some quite difficult to work through. But rely on the tools in your toolkit that you’ve acquired during your years – seek support, be patient with yourself, and let your voice be heard.